Why can’t everyone just leave me alone to read my paper in peace in my own house, and this had better be important, and you sort it out, I’m not getting involved, where are all the pens, so why does everyone always want the toilet when I need to go, and when were you going to tell me this, and what do you want now, can’t you see I’m busy, and you know I can’t eat spicy food, and we’re you born in a barn, and have you asked your mother, just take what you want out of my wallet, and you were waiting for me to make myself a coffee just so I’d make you one, and that was offside, is that ref blind, and it wasn’t me it was the dog, and I could have told you that, why do they have to text you, can’t they ring the doorbell like a normal person, and what have you done now, oh I suppose you can come to the supermarket with me but don’t go putting loads of stuff in the trolley, and life isn’t fair, and don’t use all the hot water, and why are all the lights on, it’s like Blackpool Illuminations in this house, and hurry up, I haven’t got all day, and don’t be traipsing mud all through the house, and that’s people for you, and no phones at the table, and I am not made of money, and what did your mother say, and I’ve only just sat down, and was it on the list, and it’s up to you, and you haven’t used it all already have you, so where are my car keys, and text your mother if you’re not coming home because you know how she worries, and don’t put the empty one back in the fridge, and how many do you need, and how small is that writing, and you’re just like your mother, and you don’t need to lose any weight, you look lovely, and I suppose I’m paying for it, and I’m just taking the dog up the field, and it all sounds the same to me, and what’s wrong with the old one, and are you ready yet, and how did this happen, who broke this, and I only just bought one, and what’s taking so long, and whatever you say, that’s fine by me, no not that one, I don’t know what you mean, And can’t a man get five minutes peace around here, and you know I’ll only forget if you don’t remind me, and we’ll sort something out, and there’s nothing wrong with our telly, and didn’t I only just buy one of those, and have you seen my glasses, and it’s a classic, what would be the point of that, what good would it do, and that’s why I didn’t sell my vinyl, so what time do you want picking up, no don’t make me wait ages like I did last time because there’s no parking, and it’s not the end of the world, and has anyone fed the dog, just write it down, and yes I heard you the first time, and why would you buy a t shirt with a hole in it, and is there a point to all this, that’s no age to go, and they don’t make them like they used to, and there’s nothing wrong with my hearing, and I’m not buying it again because you never eat it, you’ll feel better about it tomorrow, and how much is this going to cost me, and I suppose so, and how would you know, and I was watching that, and no I wasn’t asleep I was resting my eyes, and would you jump off a cliff, and it wasn’t on the list, and what is he wearing, and I put petrol in it yesterday, and can’t you ever put anything away after you’ve used it, and are you paying for that, and no I’m not crying, I’ve got something in my eye, and that was definitely a red, and does anyone ever listen to a word I say, and I don’t know why I bother, so come and give your old dad a kiss.
13. I ❤️ My Dad
aramblingcollective Uncategorized 3 Minutes
Published by aramblingcollective
Nicola Humphreys is a writer of short fiction. She is widely published in award nominated/winning anthologies. Read a selection of her stories on aramblingcollective.wordpress.com Hear her read on Micro Podcast. She is socially distant and likes it like that. All of her dresses have pockets. View all posts by aramblingcollective
3 thoughts on “13. I ❤️ My Dad”
What I wouldn’t give to hear that stuff again now.
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Ta! Aren’t dad’s brilliant?! ♥️
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