55. This is my truth, tell me yours.

“You know the time to act is now.

Before the sands of time run out.”

‘ Game On’ by Catatonia

Whenever I’ve yearned for real change in my life, I have had to take a leap of faith and just do it. Dithering and procrastinating gave me more excuses. Over-thinking and micro-planning what could go wrong or reasons not to do it. Fear of change. Am I bored? Did I really want something else or did I just want the pain of this situation to end? I knew I craved more but wasn’t prepared to put in the effort. I knew what I didn’t want but didn’t know what I actually did want.

Life never quite works out how you imagine it would. Roads not travelled and all that. I can try to do anything I want but can’t actually do everything I want.

I’m told I’m both a brave and an incredibly stupid “cards on the table”, “this is how I feel” bold statement kinda person. Go big or go home. People who are important in my life know they mean a lot to me, because I tell them.

And I fail so, so often. I get it wrong such a lot. Then rumination, insomnia, resolution, acceptance, peace. The past is the past. I was a different person then. It’s so much easier to forgive than to hold onto the bile of a grudge.

When I read an article about ‘The Top Five Regrets of The Dying’ by Bronnie Ware, it struck a chord. The biggest (or only) regret I still have is not thanking those people who cared about me when I was at my lowest. It spurs me daily to pass on the baton of kindness they showed me to others.

Somewhere between taking things slowly, savouring every mouthful and the joy of life is for living is where I want to be.