30. The Powder Room

“And I woke up and he was weeing on me! So I started shouting, “you’re weeing on me!”, and he managed to stop. Apparently he was half asleep and he needed to go for a pee and he said he saw something ‘big, white and round’ which he thought was the toilet. But it was my arse sticking out of the bed!”

I try to suppress a laugh, but it turns into a snort. I quickly flush, turn, and unlock the cubicle.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to listen” I say to the unfortunate storyteller.

“It’s alright.” she replies, pouffing her hair in the mirror.

Just then, I hear another flush and a cubicle door clicks open.

“Oh, hi girlfriend.” It was Jez.

We lean in for two air-kisses. “Mwah. Mwah. Can you believe it? I’d kill him if he did that to me.”

“We’re just here for a drink. He’s babysitting as compo for peeing on her.”

“I’m here with the boyfriend. Just seen Star Wars. He’s never peed on me. Never even asked.” I added. “Fancied a beer. They do nice burgers in here.”

“This, is my mate Becky. Becky, meet Sex towel.” We both raise out hand in a ‘hi’ gesture.

“I feel I know you! Jez is always talking about you. So you’re the one with the sex towel?”

I chuckle. I seem to be famous for this. “It’s a good one though. Cath Kidston. And you don’t get a wet patch.” I reply.

“Ooh, tell Becky the coconut water story.”

“Well, I recommended coconut water to a woman we know at work. For the electrolytes for her spinning class. So she bought a big carton of it and said she didn’t like it. Said it tasted like sperm. So, I said, “well I suppose it’s ballpark,” and then this other woman in the office whose been married three times said, “I wouldn’t know”. Maybe that’s why she has been married three times, and they didn’t work out, because she doesn’t do, well, you  know, everything? But then I thought that maybe she doesn’t, know what it tastes like because she doesn’t want to get it in her mouth, so I said, “have you got a sex towel?” But neither of them had ever heard of one.”

Becky laughed. “I’m getting one now.” She squirts a bit of hand cream onto her hands. Jez and I say in unison, “It rubs the lotion on its skin.”

We leave the ladies room together and they wave to the boyfriend as they pass. “You weren’t talking about shopping, were you?” He asks. He knows me too well.